Rumblings 1
I started this blog so that I could document my soul’s journey in a way, a journal of sorts. Sometimes I have woken up in the middle of the night wishing I had started writing about all the things that are on my mind, because who knows, maybe it might help one other soul out there who resonates with that idea or thought.
So here goes- I am suffering today. I am in deep pain, because I am disturbed . I have been disturbed for a long time now, but every so often, I acknowledge it. Today I have no choice but to write about it because I cannot live like this anymore, its too painful. I attended Tony Robbin’s Time to Rise virtual event,and we were taking stock of the major areas in our lives- Health, Wealth, Relationships, Time Management, Emotions, Career, Leadership, Contribution and/or Spiritual growth, and I came to the sinking realization that my wheel of life is so out of alignment. I have attended not one, but three Unleash the Power Within events online, so I have taken stock in the past as well, and fact is, its been that way for eons and I have not been able to fix it yet, which is one source of my discomfort. https://core.tonyrobbins.com/wheel-of-life
When I look at it like that, it sure sounds bad. However, I must remember that perhaps my criteria 5 years back was different from what it is now, so my assessments of my situation shouldn’t really take into consideration that period- but then again, isn’t that what measurements are for? I am in pain because I am avoiding the one thing I know I MUST do. I must take action, see things for how they are and quit messing around with my life, and with time. I am just too scared, and have a bit of an identity crisis. The one area I chose to work on is finances, even though all the rest were between 0-3, I knew that fixing this one area would help with almost every other area ( Thank you, Bob Proctor and Arash Vassoughi for pointing this out.) However, to work on this, I first need to fix the other things that are making it impossible to get my head together to get out of this rut, the main one being the state of my home. I had the glorious idea of becoming a star reseller, and with my penchant for finding treasures in trash, I went looking, and came back with oodles of them. All of them now spread the entire length of my house, because guess what, I have no idea how to properly organize and inventorize them as I have a wide range of collections. I guess what I really think I am struggling with is overwhelm, and am so confused as to how to handle this. Should I do what one expert says and not try to understand the root of my overhwhelmn- or do what some other experts say and first clear that emotional clutter so that everything in my life heals? I am not sure. And therefore, the pain.
The pain of not being clear, of not being sure how to proceed,the pain of knowing you are meant for more but stuck in the muck of matter, is the kind of pain that is hard to explain. In the Baha’i writings, Baha’u’llah says, ” Ye are even as the bird which soareth, with the full force of its mighty wings and with complete and joyous confidence, through the immensity of the heavens, until, impelled to satisfy its hunger, it turneth longingly to the water and clay of the earth below it, and, having been entrapped in the mesh of its desire, findeth itself impotent to resume its flight to the realms whence it came. Powerless to shake off the burden weighing on its sullied wings, that bird, hitherto an inmate of the heavens, is now forced to seek a dwelling-place upon the dust…” Bahá’u’lláh, Hidden Words Persian 26
I feel like that bird in this phase of my life. I feel stuck, and that has been an abiding narrative of my life for so long that it almost seems like it should be my middle name. So my focus in this year, one way or another, is to make my wheel healthier looking, and to replace my pain with pride in my journey and the massive action I have committed to today. I can’t stop till I feel I have done all I can to be all I was created to be.
